Dear Nicky,

you always hated that name didnt you? yet i kept calling you that and you never once told me otherwise. maybe thats why i kept doing it. i thought i saw you yesterday at studio 54. i almost went up to you but then i figured if it wasnt you, i would feel like and look like such a fool. i was there with one of the guys from work. he was visiting from new york and you know me, i offered to play tourguide. it was pretty much a waste of time though cause all he did was talk, he didnt want to dance. you always hated dancing, nicky but then whenever i asked you if you wanted to dance, you would always say yes. thats one of the things i miss.

you remember the picnic we had on the beach? the time it rained? you refused to leave. you said we were here first so were staying. and we stayed....and got drenched....then got colds. but you were there to take care of me and i was there to take care of you and your mom was there to take care of both of us lol.

i guess i can understand why you didnt love me. i guess we didnt fit well together. for one thing, i dont think you ever took me seriously. like when we would get in a fight, you would always laugh at me when i was trying to be serious, i guess you didnt know cause i never told you but that did hurt. another thing, you always hated the way i held your hand. i think it was too mushy for you. too much of a couply thing and i know how you hated doing couply things like hugging and kissing in public or just in front of the guys. i guess it just made you uncomfortable and i guess when your truly in love with someone, your comfortable with them no matter what the situation.

i keep wanting to call and see how you and the twins are but i dont want to disturb your life. i mean, im sure your happy with whoever your dating now(although i am surprised it hasnt come across the internet yet) and i dont want to just drop into your life unannouced, just to say hi. so i guess for now, im stuck just wondering and hoping everything is okay.

emma set her pen down. she glanced at the letter and sighed. she folded it up, stuck it in an envelope, wrote the date on the corner, and stuck it in a shoe box with the rest of her letters. nick always asked her why she was writing letters. who were they to? were they for him? and she always told him that it made her feel better to write her thoughts out that way. she never planned to send them to anyone cause they were all addressed to herself.

these letters were different though, she thought looking at the box. they were all for him but not for him to read. how could she let him know that she made a mistake leaving him and just expect him to take her back? she knew all those letters would never be read by him or even her again. it just helped her to get things off her mind.

she sighed and crawled into bed dreading sleep. knowing the only thing it would bring would be dreams of him.